You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
