I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
