ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
