a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
