Please, let me fuck your mom
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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