Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
