You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
