just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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