I think my vagina is haunted
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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