He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
