I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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