I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
