Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
