So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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