So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
