The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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