When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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