i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize