I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
