i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize