Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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