We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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