I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
