Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
