Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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