im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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