sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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