he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well I just put wine in my tea
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
