I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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