: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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