Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
