Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
