can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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