At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
