Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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