I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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