we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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