He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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