the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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