yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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