how can u be prego again
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
