GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
