So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
