i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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