Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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