i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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