if you like me you must not know who I am
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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