I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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