Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
