It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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