Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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