she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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