Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
