At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
