oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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