i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize