I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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