By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
