I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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