i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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