He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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