you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
