I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
