i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
