someone threw a dead crab at me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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