that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
