if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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