Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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