He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
