your parents love me but you hate me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
