So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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