I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
