i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
