I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
