Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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