We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
