Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
