ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
