Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
