Your mouth is God's brothel.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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