I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
