I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
