I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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