..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
