What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
