I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
