All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They have beer where we have blood.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
