literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
