did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
high people should be assigned attendants
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
