I want to make a zoo with you.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
