so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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