Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize