Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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