what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
