I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
