I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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