anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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