very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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