your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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