He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
