You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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