you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
