He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
