The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
