so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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