Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
